October is Sean’s Heaven

"I've come to think that's what heaven is -a place in the memory of others where our best selves live on."

- Author Christine Baker Kline, Orphan Train

Imagine that eternal life resides in the memories of others, and that heaven really is that place where those memories are only positive. My thoughts about this originated in the book that Allison gave me just the other day. I haven’t read a book in ages… I just can’t seem to find the time, but for some reason, I decided to immerse myself in someone else’s story, albeit fiction. The words I’ve quoted are in the Prologue, on the very first page, and as I am inclined to do, I personalized them. This time, though, I didn’t apply them to me, but to Sean. For some reason that has no human explanation, according to the quote, October 2014 seems to be Sean’s heaven. The month’s calendar finds his memory flowing from one honor to another. The first is a feature article in the Atlanta Journal Constitution that will appear in the Sunday Living Section on October 5. We were contacted a few weeks ago about the article. I’m not one to read the paper, as I avoid the negativity that permeates most of it; however, I do read the relatively recent articles about people who have touched the Atlanta community. (This section happens to hold my crossword puzzle obsession.) The stories are usually moving, an in depth summary of someone whose life seems special or has had an impact on the Atlanta community. I have been almost drawn to tears with some of them (you need to read last weekend’s on Xena, the Warrior Dog) and amazed by the humanity of others. For Sean to have been selected for this feature was amazing to me, and at the same time, like everything else, it brings with it a personal cost. There will be comments and insights from many people, as far as I can tell. Glenn and I were interviewed for hours. Subsequently, a photographer came to the house and took pictures of awards, etc., but also videotaped me in conversation about Sean. It was an unstructured monologue, which probably wasn’t the best thing. I was tired both during the interview and the filming. I had just returned from Bridget’s and hadn’t adjusted to the time difference, but I also was struggling to say the right things. How do you summarize a life? Your only son? There certainly is a thread that ties his story together, but how do you weave his story in such a way that it makes sense? That it’s complete and authentic? Sean would insist on it being authentic! I have to say that I don’t think I did a very good job and I am very sure that Sean would have my head for some of the stories. It’s just that the silly and the sad were inseparable in Sean. Both were as intense and both drew you closer to him. I am always influenced by what Sean would say or think. The cacophony of edits lives in my head. Most definitely, I would get an earful for this project. Nonetheless, for those hours I was with Sean in real time, in that place where his best self lived. To follow the article is his induction into the Georgia Music Hall of Fame on October 11. I could not even begin to explain what this would mean to Sean. To be included in the company of James Brown, Ray Charles, Otis Redding, Gladys Knight, Little Richard, Johnny Mercer, Ma Rainey, Blind Willie McTell, the Allman Brothers, etc. etc. is to elevate his legacy to a level that is reserved for very few. In my mind’s eye, I can see and hear him. He calls and says: “Mom, you won’t believe it. I’m being inducted into the Georgia Music Hall of Fame!” As always, his excitement is palpable and he can hardly contain his glee. Glee is the perfect word for him… he is child-like in his expression of joy, with such a hearty laugh or silly giggle that it’s contagious. Next, though, would come the self-doubt. “How can I accept such an award? I am nowhere as good as any of them.” I remember the day at the Ma Rainey Tribute that BB King called Sean to the stage. When he didn’t respond, I went searching for him. He was back stage, heading toward the door! I asked him what he was doing and he said: “Mom, I’m not good enough to be on the stage with BB King.” I told him that when BB King calls, you answer. He eventually made it to the stage, and, in his usual manner, blew everyone in the room away. At the time he was 19 or so. That humility and reverence for the talents of the masters never left him. His wanting to be as good as them drove him. The award rekindles special memories of Sean, bringing him as close to home with me as possible. Others will see me accepting his award; but, for me, Sean is there, exactly where he should be. He will be present because his memory has survived his physical passing. He lives on in the very best way because of his gift of memories and music. This, to him, would be heaven. Coincidentally (?) after about two years of talking, never released material of Sean will debut on October 21. Honestly, this would mean as much to him as any of the other honors. His friend and mentor, Steve Rosenthal of New York’s Magic Shop, has donated the recording to the Fund in Sean’s honor. Steve had financed the recording because he so believed in Sean. Given that Steve also produced the last David Bowie CD along with Norah Jones, Coldplay, the Rolling Stones, etc. etc., it’s an undeniable testament to Sean’s talent. Along with Steve, Rosy Rosenthal of Vizztone, is donating all of the proceeds to the Fund. Rosy, too, was someone with whom Sean was very close. I have a copy of the CD and it’s amazing, as I’m sure you will soon all agree (you will buy a copy). To me, it is more. It’s a time machine. It transports me to the night when Sean called and said: “Mom, you are going to love this! I even dedicated one song to you.” Why I would love it is because Sean sang a ballad. I annoyed him with my request for him to sing something with his pure, sweet voice, and for the first time, he did. The song he dedicated, however, pierces my heart. ‘Living in A Fools Paradise’ warns her son about too much “drinking and gambling.” I never knew Sean to gamble, except perhaps with his artistry… he continued to stretch in ways that may not have been mainstream; however, his drinking was a topic of many conversations. I can tell you that Sean tried with all of his might to conquer his demons, but this world wasn’t able to provide the help he needed. The song is a melancholy one, reflective of Sean’s taking his challenges seriously. The CD is Sean. It is playful, serious, insightful and reflective. It brings me to a time when Sean was happy, so, overall, it’s a very positive memory and visit. Maybe that one song that pricks my heart and troubles my soul made the cut as a way for Sean to tell me that he forgives me; that he knows I tried. Sean didn’t fail. He triumphed in ways few of us ever will. This tribute attests that he is still thought of, loved and admired. For this, Sean would be floating on a cloud. Later in the month (October 23), Blues Blast, a Chicago based magazine of the blues will have their annual awards ceremony. Several years ago, they initiated the Sean Costello Rising Young Star Award. Chicago has a huge Blues fan base and the writers and editors of Blues Blast are obviously fans of Sean. Glenn and I have had the pleasure of being there in person to give the award. For some reason, this year would be more emotional than most. It’s like the culmination of a month of being with Sean, surrounded by people who love him and appreciate his music. There truly isn’t a person who contacted us about any of these events who didn’t stress how much they loved Sean as well as his music. I’m fairly certain that I won’t live on in the memories of so many people, nor that I will be honored in such public ways. Whatever talents I may have, impacted relatively few people. I don’t have the artistry that Sean had, or the charisma; however, by extension I’ve taken his life’s ride with him and continue to do so to this day. It was my intention that the Fund would capture the magic of Sean, that we could continue his legacy and harness his spirit so others find a happier place here on earth. Yes, if Sean’s heaven is knowing that people have memories of him that they cherish, that they feel are worth honoring, then October is Sean’s heaven. If a mother’s heaven is remembering her children with pride and recognizing that her children live on in fond memories of others, then October is my heaven too.

Important Dates to Remember:October 5 Atlanta Journal Constitution featureOctober 11 Georgia Music Hall of Fame InductionOctober 21 Release of Sean Costello: In The Magic ShopOctober 23 Blues Blast Sean Costello Rising Star Award

Help the Memory of Sean extend the life and positive memories of others.Donate to The Sean Costello Memorial Fund for Bipolar Research.[signature color="orange"]Debbie Costello Smith[/signature]