The first week of October has been set aside as National Mental Illness Awareness Week, with October 6 as National Bipolar Awareness Week. This dedication came at a time when the world was given an opportunity to review its opinion of mental illness, and I’m not sure the verdict was in concert with the government’s intent.To put it in perspective, maybe I should outline the impact of mental illness and the purpose of the Mental Illness Awareness Week:
An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older - about one in four adults - suffer from a diagnosable mental illness in any given year. However, stigma surrounding mental illness is a major barrier that prevents people from seeking the mental health treatment that they need. Programs during Mental Illness Awareness Week are designed to create community awareness and discussion in an effort to put an end to stigma and advocate for treatment and recovery.
On July 23, 2011, Amy Winehouse died of undisclosed causes after a public battle with substance abuse. Her death is no more or less important than that of any other person, especially to the parent who has lost a child. There is no greater grief. It’s unlike any other loss. No amount of time reduces the pain. Nothing can fill the void. There is no explanation, as it violates the laws of nature. Given that, Ms. Winehouse’s death allowed the conversation to come to an international forum. What followed is worthy of examination.The media, pretty scathing of her apparent abuse during her life, seemed to be more understanding in her death, and some actually tried to initiate a conversation about addiction. Little was discussed about her self-confessed “manic-depression” and its connection to her addictions. The blogs, however, were as vicious as ever. It seems that her Dad has started a foundation and is writing memoirs to tell us about the side of her no one knew. It’s a feeling that I feel all too well.Amy Winehouse’s death encapsulated three years of my grief and contained anger. I didn’t know her, but yet, I did. She was recognized as being one of the most talented singers of her time, while seemingly flaunting her demons. Everything about her was exaggerated…. her hair, her clothing, her public demeanor…and yet, to the discerning eye, there was a vulnerability that was heartbreaking.Amy is listed as one of Sean’s top ten “friends” on MySpace (oh, how we’ve morphed in social media in 3 years !). I’m fairly certain she didn’t know who he was, but he recognized her talent and was honoring it. It had nothing to do with her stand on “rehab.” To Sean, that would have been superficial. It was about her soul and how exquisitely she revealed it.Sean and Amy were alike and yet different. Amy refused to go to rehab. Sean voluntarily entered it. Amy said she was manic-depressive, but as far as one can tell, didn’t seek medical help for it. Sean went to mental health professionals for years and was on medication. She openly displayed her substance use. Sean kept his to a small circle. She seemed not to care if people mocked her behavior, Sean would have died of embarrassment.Those are the differences. The similarities run deeper. They both were gifted artists who felt the undercurrent of the world’s emotions deeper than most, while being able to translate it in a way that we could relate to…that helped us get through our own pain. I think Sean’s music was more hopeful and upbeat, a reflection of the resilience and humor that were Sean. He was “determined” as his last status on MySpace indicates. Amy’s lyrics were argumentative… gritty and defiant, yet full of energy, so belying such a tiny person. These are the range of emotions that all of us feel at one time or another, and depending on your mood, the music of one or the other can help you work through your own feelings. Perhaps their music reflected the difference between Bipolar Type I and Type II. We won’t ever know.Where they again intersect, is in people’s attitudes. I often said that I thought Sean was an appropriate icon for Bipolar Disorder because he was professional, but if it were named after Amy Winehouse, no one would care. I always felt as if we should care just as much, it’s just that I thought people would pass judgment faster on her because of her outward defiance. I was wrong. People apparently had just as much negative to say about Sean. I just never read the blogs where the mud was slung. In the mainstream, both lives were regarded with a complete lack of personal privacy and a thorough lack of knowledge and compassion. Those who knew them may have been left with a complete sense of disbelief and loss.The only people who really have to live with Amy’s passing are her parents and family. No one else really suffers for a lifetime. People’s connection to her will wax and wane as the next best talent comes along. Even for those who remain true to her talent, their suffering is only manifested in their knowledge of what could have been (that would have made their life better). The exception is someone who was unlucky enough to have experienced what her parents did. I haven’t openly cried much lately, but I cried from the heart when she died. I didn’t know her, but I knew the pain of losing her. I also mourned for the parents who knew the suffering, beauty and strength that only they were privy to.What I’ve learned in the past three years is that people, even those with good intentions, don’t understand addiction and its connection to mental illness. I’ve learned that the stigma is still so great that artists are unwilling to “out” themselves for fear of recrimination. I’ve read the vitriol from people who relish in others’ suffering, to me, a reflection of their own human flaws. What I’ve seen is people wear pink t-shirts without embarrassment, but people keeping the mental illness of their family members in hiding. The stigma that National Mental Illness Awareness Week is supposed to address is alive and well. Too well. I don’t see the fight to make it right. Given that this affects 1 out of 4 people, a much higher rate than breast cancer, where is the explanation?I’ve heard people, who had no clue about what Sean revealed to his family and doctors, contend that he was not bipolar. People might argue that Amy chose to live and die by her sword. Whether Amy or Sean were bipolar or had substance addictions, both are diseases, connected conditions, and both have a genetic predisposition. Some people can drink all day long without having a longing for the next drink. Some people try cocaine and can take it or leave it. Not so with someone who is predisposed. One person can eat a piece of cake (or none), the next can’t stop until it’s gone. Is there anyone who really thinks that someone wants a substance (alcohol, drugs, food, nicotine, etc.) to rule their life and health? Some people can smoke and live to 100. Plenty of others never smoke and die of lung cancer. Is it because the latter doesn’t have the fortitude to live or fight cancer? And yet, to this day, we judge people who suffer and die with addictions and other symptoms of mental illness. The sequelae are lack of research, uneducated and often, unregulated interventions.National Mental Illness Awareness Week has come and gone. The lives of too many wonderful people have been shortened, as we looked the other way on their suffering. It’s time to admit that we all live on the spectrum of mental illness on any given day. We’ve experienced depression, anxiety, the desire to drown our problems in food or alcohol. Imagine living in that state almost every day all day, without being able to figure a way out. I can’t imagine, but I’ve witnessed it and cried over it.The consequences are as beautiful as they are sad. Lest we forget, people like Amy Winehouse and Sean Costello, because of their vulnerable, sensitive nature left us with a beauty that those of us who manage to live somewhere in the middle of our emotions will never be able to produce. It’s a sad testament to the human spirit when we have to tarnish their ability to rise above their struggle and leave us with a part of their soul. They deserve better than our lack of understanding, our callous disregard for their suffering. They should be our icons for change, not targets of our own fear.I challenge you to get involved. Help us with your ideas, your feedback, your donations. Educated yourself. Open your mind and your heart to those who have opened theirs to yours. Most importantly, be there for them. Mental Illness is a lonely and dangerous disease.